Monday, July 31, 2006

here's hoping August is a good month

July has reeked. I mean it had it's most wonderful moment, us pregnant with twins, but also had ugly, depressing moments. Piewacket having to be put down, a miscarriage scare, constant worry and stress. We hope August is better. We'll just give August up to God and let him handle it.
Feeling some sorrow, guilt, over piewacket. It's been 3 weeks and tonight I got hit. Looking at pictures of your pet you put down three weeks ago will stir that up. Note to self.
I just wonder what might have been if we had resorted to giving him daily fluid injections. I mean, he could be right now going to the vet and having the same thing I did to him 3 weeks ago but we would have had him for another few weeks. But, then again, how would his life been? That's the agonizing part of this. What if??
Still I know he's pain free and hangin with Ann up there somewhere, beggin for food.
Miss the booger. A lot.

Monday, July 24, 2006

remembering the good old days

For some reason today I am thinking about my old band, and the kinda music scene that was going on here in the early 90’s. I don’t know how it’s done today, but our band, The Customers, used to just go to these small dives and get gigs. No auditions, nothing. I remember playing some place in downtown phoenix, 3 flights up from the downtown deli, to a bunch of wanna be skinheads. We used to play with
an all girl band, The Sugarbabies. We’d draw about 12-15 people when we were “touring” together ;)
The best times were playing at the Sun Club in Tempe, and The Silver Dollar Club in Downtown Phoenix. These places are long gone, but It was fun while it lasted. Heck we even finally played the Mason Jar in another band I was in. You knew you hit it big when you got a Monday night gig at the Mason Jar;)
Hollywood Alley is still around, although Our current band will never play there, unless they want to clear out the place.
Last I heard from our singer in the Customers, was that he was in a band called Death takes a Holiday. Haven’t heard or seen em since.
I have no point to this, I’m just reminiscing.
In other news I still miss my cat and we are almost 8 weeks preggers with twins and I’m trying not to worry so much.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

An open letter to my furry friend

On a hot monday in July, The 10th to be exact, I had a decision to make regarding u, Piewacket.
You were up the previous morning at 3:30 am, looking lost, searching for water, restless, and blankly looking at me.
Usually i can take care of your needs when you are howling, be it food, water, a snack, whatever.
I knew Monday morning what I had to do. I would be taking you to the vet for the last time.
You probably were wondering why Mom was crying as she said strange words you've never heard before. Goodbye.
You hate going to the vet, and once I had to pick you up from the bed, where you actually looked comfortable, and put you
in the crate you probably figured you were going for another check up.
As you rode to the vet, i tried to console you, but that never works. It was the longest ride too.
When we got to the vet, some little kids were asking questions, why is he doing that (your normal yowling)
I said you didn't like going to the vet. when they started mimicking you, i ignored them, hoping the parents would intervene.
When we were in the exam room, the assistant was very nice, and she did the thermometer (whicch you hate) and Then we waited for Dr. Horvath. Dr. Horvath liked you a lot, I could tell, and she saw that my decision was going to be the end.
I had to sign some papers, I was strong then for you buddy, I needed to be. Another assistant gave you a sedative in the neck, you were gradually
getting sleepy, you cried out once while it was working. I hope it wasn't because you were in pain, or it wasn't because you were asking me why was I doing this. You started slumping in my arms, yer paws crossed out in front, then I held you
like a baby so I could look into your eyes. I remember telling you it was going to be ok, and that you were such a good boy. A few minutes went by, you were getting sleepier and sleepier, I held you again with your paws crossed over.
Dr. Horvath came in, we laid you on a blanket on the table, you didn't fidget too much. As they were injecting you, I was right in your face, telling you it was ok, we love you, go to sleep baby. And within minutes, you did. The dr said she was sorry, and she let me spend some time with you.
Your eyes, pikey I will never forget your eyes. I just kept talking to you, petting you, telling you I love you and it was ok.
I remember moving yer paw, and it just fell back down. I wanted to be sure.
I couldn't quite leave you yet, lying all alone on the blanket. I will always remember that pike.
I finally grabbed the carrier and gave you one last kiss, turned around, but I still couldn't leave you.
I talked to you one last time, then left.
On the way out, I lost it. Deep brutal sobbing. I couldn't believe what I had just done, I felt so guilty.
On the way home I called V, she was sad, said we'd done the right thing.
I know I did, it hurts me buddy, it really does.
I came home, and cried hard on and off during the day.
Your sister wasn't sure what was happening.
Your mom came home and we cried and cried, we miss u so much. We love you so much.
You were the best cat in the world, even though the last 2 years you drove me nuts I still cherished you.
I'll always remember
When u were a kitten, getting stuck in wendy's dashboard.
How Ann and Nancy hated you at first.
How you loved Barney, and velvet.
How u used to poop in tubs (guess you preferred porcelain)
How u used to sleep, just the cutest positions.
How u used to sleep and snuggle with mom (she misses this the most)
how u would yowl for your way, you would YOWL.
You kissing nance
You "walking the walk" on the sink
How u loved your nose rubbed.
How you would sleep in my lap when we had you shaved.
How I would spend a lot of time with you and your various trips to water (which isn't the happiest memory)
How u loved to go outside, how u'd bounce around in the backyard.
How you'd hawk up grass
How you loved catnip
Yer naps with nance on the bed.
You're tuna juice drinking, how u'd get cream all over your chin,
having to go get rotissiere chicken for you.
How you'd lick our plates like a dog.
How you'd go out front and walk around with mom.
How you'd stretch yer paws out, voguing.
I miss you, I love you, and you will always be in my heart.
This really hurts buddy.
I know you are playin with ann and barney, at peace, no pain, and crying for 9 lives beef and chicken.
Your mom and I love ya buddy.

Monday, July 10, 2006

good news/bad news

Well, been a long time.
We are in the new house, still have a lot of stuff to do..
We are almost 6 weeks pregnant with twins! We feel so blessed, it is such a miracle!
I still have not comprehended this, but I will!
I hope it's a boy and a girl, that would rule. We are now just praying for a long
and healthy pregnancy.
On a sad note, I had to put our cat that I got 17 years ago, to sleep. He had been teetering on and off with renal failure (kidneys) and the last couple of days, I knew it was time. We could have tried shooting him up with fluids, but what kind of life is that. I wanted him to go with dignity. And he did.
Piewacket Polling 1989-2006. I was there as they did the deed, and I was glad I was. I wanted him to know I was there, I didn't want the last person he saw to be a stranger.
I was fine throughout the whole thing, he seemed so peaceful, just calm, no pain, and bam.
That was it. This is the hardest thing I've had to do, but I was strong. Until I got out of the vet's office. Strangely some friends of mine had to put their cat Erlikk to sleep just last wednesday.
So I've had enough with euthanasia week.
We loved Piewacket, and he loved us.He WAS, and i know everybody thinks theirs is, the best cat in the world. I already miss him.